A Very BNE Christmas: Allen’s Top 10 Christmas Songs

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals! If you’re a fan of Christmas, but hate the music, you’re getting an extra present this year. I’ve put together my top 10 Favorite Christmas songs. I painstakingly went through the light work of ranking ten songs, on Christmas Eve, just for you. There’s a lot of songs that I could have added, including probably the whole *NSYNC Christmas album, but ten songs will do. Play these at your favorite holiday parties.

#10: Kurtis Blow – “Christmas Rappin” – Besides being the sample for the Beastie Boys’ “Hold It Now, Hit It”, this track is a fun look at the kind of rapper Kurtis Blow was in his prime. It wasn’t so much about rapping, more as it was storytelling and entertaining.

#9: Joe Pesci – “If It Doesn’t Snow On Christmas” – I reluctantly added this song to the list. If you can believe it, in 1998, Joe Pesci had an album. A whole music album. Luckily, he was accompanied by Jimmy Vivino, Richie “La Bamba” Rosenberg, and other members of Conan O’ Brien’s late night band. This song, crude as it is, is pure Pesci.

#8: Gerald Walker – “Christmas Everyday” – Gerald Walker is the Johnny Mathis of the rap game, with not one but two Christmas mixtapes. While I could really put the whole tape on here, you’ll have to settle for just this one song.

#7: Nofx – “Xmas Has Been X’ed” – Why yes, I am a Nofx fan. And yes, Fat Mike and Eric Melvin are Jewish. But they have a Christmas song, ironically, and even though there’s an overarching commentary about the holiday itself, it’s just a good song.

#6: Blink 182 – “Happy Holidays, You Bastard” – Every kid that owned 2001’s “Take Off Your Pants And Jacket” knows this 42-second blitz of holiday frustration by heart. True story, the first time I heard this song, I was in the car with my mom after I bought the album. The look on her face was priceless, and now every year, she mentions it at some point. She also loves this song.

#5: The Treacherous Three – “XMas Rap” – I recently heard this on Sirius XM, and it’s full of early 80s glory. I want to breakdance just hearing it.Think of it as an early version of “Bad Santa”, talking about the struggle of Christmas in the hood. And Doug E. Fresh beatboxing in the middle? So awesome.

#4: Simple Plan – “My Christmas List” – My grade school pop-punk filled Christmases come to mind every time I hear this hidden track at the end of 2002’s “No Pads, No Helmets… Just Balls”. 12-year-old me is smiling.

#3: The Ramones – “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight)” – Have I ever told you I love The Ramones? Well I do. And they made a Christmas song. So it’s on here. Also, the video was great.

#2: Run-DMC – “Christmas In Hollis” – This is a classic. The definitive non-carol Christmas song. Even people that don’t like rap music like this song. I could probably play it any time of year, and still like it. Nobody’s topping Run-DMC, except…

#1: Mariah Carey – “All I Want For Christmas Is You” – Sorry, everyone. It’s just the best one. Admit it. You know it, too.

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